Unsolved Mysteries BeBop Style
by Feng Shui Goddess
Summary: (CH 5 UP!!) In the latest chapter, Edward and Faye scheme up a plan to rid Jet precious of his Rogain forever... But what problems will occur?! Poor Jet, first his love (Fred the bonsai) is taken, and now his hair products... OH, NO!
1. Meet Fred The Bonsai Tree

(:Disclaimer:) I do not own Cowboy BeBop, but God knows how much I want it!   
  
(:A.N:) Hello, everyone. Feng Shui Goddess here. This is my first try at a Cowboy BeBop fic, so please don't judge me too harshly! This is just a silly fic about a subject everyone's been wondering about for God only knows how long:  
How would the BeBop members react to another member offering to wash their backs?!   
Well, I guess you'll just have to read to find out! Please rewiew after you read! Arigato!  
  
Unsolved Mysteries- BeBop Style  
Chapter One: Cleanliness is important!  
By: Feng Shui Goddess  
  
It was just another day on the BeBop. Cigarette fumes surrounded everything, Spike was taking apart his gun, Faye reading a beauty magazine, and Edward was hacking into mysterious websites. As for Jet, well. He was taking a bath. Now according to my knowledge, it is rather odd for a 36 year-old man to be bathing. Espicially in a bathtub. "Hey, Faye," Spike beckoned, " Have you ever had the urge to, well, y'know." Faye smiled, "wash Jet's back? Always." Spike smiled," so we're two people with the same goal, and I'd bet you that Jet would choose me over you to wash his back any day of the week." Faye tightened her fists, "you wanna bring it on, Spike?!" Spike mocked her. "I dare you."  
  
And with that, both members of the BeBop rushed to outside the bathroom door of which Jet was bathing in. Spike was the first to knock. "Yes?" Jet answered. "Hey, Jet. Can I wash your back?" Spike asked. "That you, Spike," Jet asked. "Yeah," Spike answered. "Just the man I wanted to see! Come on in, Spike!" Spike shot Faye a victory glare and walked into the bathroom casually.   
  
Jet was in a bubble bath with a shower cap on his head (God knows that a balding man's hair is a sacred thing!) and his favorite bonsai tree sitting next to him. Spike looked at the tree. "And who is this?" he asked, as he pointed at the intruding tree. "This is my bonsai tree, Fred. He knows all the secrets of the universe!" (Remember 'Mushroom Samba'?) Spike walked towards the tree. "Then tell me, Fred. Don't you know that this is my time with Jet? Not yours. Stupid tree." With that Spike threw the tree out of the bathroom door. Jet looked completely shocked, "Spike, how could you?! I'd never let a man like YOU wash my back! Get the hell outta here!" Spike looked really sad, and went and retrived Fred form outside the bathroom. He placed the tree right next to Jet. "There, he's not hurt. Now can I please wash your back?" Jet shook his head 'no' and said "you hurt Fred's feelings!" Spike decided it was best to leave, but not befor making an overly dramatic exit. "Fine, Jet. If after all we've been through together, you still like that tree more than me I understand! I'll just go die now!" With that, Spike walked out of the bathroom to be greeted by a smirking Faye.   
  
"See, he likes me better!" Faye announced. "That's not true. He likes that darn Fred better!" Faye blinked twice, that name wasn't familliar to her. "Who's Fred?" "Fred is Jet's favorite bonsai tree! How could you know have known about the ever-so-famous Fred? The one who stole Jet Black's heart?" Faye looked stunned, "do you mean...?" Spike nodded, "yup. Jet's taken. His back already has a washer. Sad, huh?" Shre sighed, "I know I should of made my move sooner!" Spike looked confused, "do yo umean you've always loved Jet?" Faye nodded. "It all started a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away. You see, before I was thawed (you know, she was frozen?) Jet somehow managed to break into the laboratory that I was being held in, and asked if he could buy me. He thought I was some new type of frozen fish, and also that he was in a grocery store, but that's besides the poing. He told the doctors that I looked tasty, and wondered how it was best to cook me. I don't care if he thought I was frozen food, he still loved me! Jet disappeared before I was completely thawed, but thanks to security cameras in the room, I know exactly what he said and what he looked like." Spike tilted his head, "so how is it that you're best cooked?" Faye smacked Spike on the head, "idiot! I am not food, and espicially not fish!"  
  
All of a sudden, Edward appeared walking down the hallway and humming. "Faye Faye, Spikeeee! Hello hello!" Spike and Faye both waved, sarcastically. "What is it, Ed?" Spike asked. "Visitor, visitor!" Edward declared, singing the word over and over again. "Who's our visitor, Edward?" Faye asked. "Edward will bring him here, Faye Fayeee!" Edward ran out of the hallway, and was back in a flash with-- "GREN?!" Spike and Faye both yelled in unison. "What are you doing here, Gren? I thought you died!" Faye declaired, running up to the man... err... woman... and giving him a big hug. Gren pulled back. "I came here to see Jet. I heard he wanted someone to wash his back." Spike ran up to Gren and pushed him, "Jet's back is mine, you shim! Mine mine mine!" All of a sudden Jet called out from the bathroom, "Is that you, Grencia?! Just the man I've been waiting for! C'mon in, my friend!" Gren gave a flashy smile to Spike and Faye, showing off the fact the Jet wanted him. "See, I'm his man! Bwahahahahaha!" Gren pranced into the bathroom, and yelled, "coming my sweet!"  
  
As soon as Gren went into the bathroom, he immediately noticed a bonsai tree on a stand next to his man. The tree looked like it had just been thrown, but he figured he was just imagining things. "Say, Jet. Can I wash your back?" Jet smiled, "of course you can, Gren!" Gren approached the man, and started scrubbing his back. "Gren, I know that we never actually met in the anime, but I watched you while you were filming. It's no fair that Spike got all the scenes with you." Gren just smiled, "I know, dear. But it's alright now that I'm here. So... is it okay if we ditch the bonsai tree?" Jet gasped, "not again! Fred and I cannot bear to be apart! I am afraid that our relationship will not work out if you insist on hurting Fred's feelings." Gren walked out of the bathroom, shouting back at Jet, "At least I won't give you splinters if I wash your back!" Spike and Faye were standing outside the door, smiling at Gren. "So, how'd it work out, darling?" Spike asked sarcastically. Gren sighed...  
  
"Damn tree."  
  
(A.N) Well, there you go! If you liked this story, and get more than 10 reviews, I will continue! Please review, okay? I will love you for all eternity! 


	2. I Told You to Get Out of My Bathtub!

(:Disclaimer:) I do not own Cowboy Bebop, but Spike owns my mama.  
  
(:A.N:) Hello, minnasan! Takeuchi Mae here (with my crazy tomodachi, Spike Spiegel Failure at Everything). Please keep in mind that we are both VERY hyper on cookies and carbonated beverages, and it's super stormy out so we're relieving our fear by writing stupid things. Thanks again for reading, and on to chapter two! Bwahaha!  
  
Unsolved Mysteries- Bebop Style  
Chapter Two : I Told You to Get Out of My Bathtub!  
By : Feng Shui Goddess and Spike Spiegel, you know the rest ^ ^;;  
  
We all know Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky the Fourth, she's our average 13 year-old hacker freaky girl. And today Ed is very bored, very, very bored, mind you. She is seen walking (well, dancing, actually) around the murky hallways of the Bebop, looking for food or anything else that looks interesting. As she casually walks past Faye's room, she spots Ms. Faye sitting on her bed, a fashion magazine open, painting her toe nails bright red. That's kind of stupid of her, if you think about it, because she is usually seen wearing her tacky boots. Oh, well. Edward peeps into the room, sneaking into the room. Let's just say that Faye doesn't notice Ed, because let's say that she's listening to a CD player, listening to the song 'Ask DNA'. Noticing the pipes leading up to Faye's ceiling, Edward decides to go into stealth mode and climb up onto the ceiling, crawling around like a spider. Edward, now right above Faye, hears Spike yelling from down the hall, "Aww, shit, Gren! You wet OUR bed! Now where are we gonna sleep?!" This sends Faye running out of the room, murmuring, "Now THIS I gotta see!" Edward decides to use this moment to steal Faye's magazine, shoving it in her pants, and darts out of the room like a bear footed jackrabbit on a greasy griddle in the middle of August.  
  
Now, back in Edward's 'headquarters', she shoves the fashion magazine under her Tomato. Jet Black, who is currently asleep on the couch, is driven away by his loud snores. Edward, hearing the faint voice of Spike and Gren shouting at each other about God knows what, is drawn to them. Creeping closer, Faye is now seen walking nonchalantly back to her room, sighing because the boys are talking about their wedding plans or some other stupid shit. Turning around, Faye yells, "If you need a wedding planner, I'll volunteer to be yours!" The two boys look at each other, smiling, and follow Faye into her room. Edward takes this opportunity to sneak into the boys room and look around. She rummages through their drawers and find a small square package reading "Trojan Man: The Pleasure She Needs, the Comfort She Deserves". Confused, Edward opens up the package to find a slimy balloon looking thing. Disgusted, she throws it back into the drawer, and continues rummaging through the drawer. Now she finds a bottle of small pills, labeled, "Pregnancy Pills". Looking confused, she puts them back, only to find a pair of black lingerie. Happily, she puts them on her head. Now moving on to the bed, she looks under it to find a stack of magazines. Pulling the top magazine off the stack, she flips through it to find a bunch of guys dressed up as girls dancing around (Malice Mizer, maybe? ::smile::). She picked up the magazine and put it in her pants. Now, moving on to the bedside drawer, she opens it to find a tiny music box. All of a sudden, Gren appears behind her. "I'm afraid it's broken," he started, "Everything in this house is broken, even Spike's…" He begins to cough, and then stops, looking at Edward with anger in his eyes, "You didn't say 'Take care', dammit! Now I'm gonna turn into a frickin' fairy!" Edward just blinked, and said, "Take… care?" Gren dramatically fell to the floor, "It's too late! Look, I am already growing wings!" Grasping his shoulder blades, he ran out of the room weeping openly. Edward, looking confused, picks up the music box and stuffs it into her pants, walking out of the room.  
  
As she is walking down the hall, she strolls past Faye's room to hear Gren sobbing. Looking into the room, she sees Gren leaning up against Spike, screaming, "I am a fairy! I'm a fairy! It's too late for me now!" Edward sighed, walking down the hall into her 'secret headquarters', where she shoves the magazine under Tomato and the music box under the couch, where Jet is still peacefully sleeping. Still annoyed by Jet's snoring, she runs out of the room and starts dawdling around the halls. She creepily sneaks upstairs into the deep dark realms of Jet Black's room. The walls are festively painted purple with fluffy pink flower pillows on the Power Puff Girl comforter on his bed. Winnie The Pooh pajamas are sitting on the bed, set out for when Jet goes to sleep. She wanders around the room a bit, until she notices something very interesting. A bonsai tree… Yes, a bonsai tree. A very special bonsai tree with a pink ribbon tied around it's trunk. She quickly stuffs the bonsai tree in her pants as she hears Gren running down the hall screaming, "Look! Look at my pretty fairy wings! Weeee! I can fly I can fly!" She ran out of the room to see Gren in a pink leotard with fake nylon wings on his back. A little frightened, she quickly returned to her 'headquarters', shoving the bonsai tree under the couch next to the music box. Jet awoke with a jolt, screaming his head off, "I sense that Fred is in PAIN! I must save my lover, just as he saved me from the Easter Bunny at the mall!" Jet noticed Gren running down the hall in his leotard, and Jet quickly jumped in front of Gren. "Gren Chan! Have you seen my Lover, Fred?" Gren shook his head, "I am afraid not, kind sir. Have you noticed my WINGS?" Gren rubbed his 'wings' on Jet's chest, singing a pretty fairy song.  
  
Spike and Faye wander out of Faye's room, Spike chasing after Gren, trying to get him away from Jet. "Gren, Darling! I am a MUCH better lover than the likes of Jet Black!" Gren nods, and says, "Yes. Let us go into our room. I cleaned the sheets." Spike laughed, "Oh, I love clean sheets! But don't you think it's best if they're dirty?" Gren nodded, "Ohhh, SPICY! Yes, let's go, anata!" Gren grabs Spike's hand and leads him into their room slamming the door. Faye, now about to barf, walks over to Jet, "So, what's your problem?" Jet sighed, "It's Fred, he's gone missing." Laughing, Faye said sarcastically, "Maybe Fred has found a NEW lover." Jet gasped, "No, NEVER! Fred swore never to leave my side!" Faye sighed, "God, I was just KIDDING." Jet hmphed, "Well, I am going to go find him! With or without your help!" Edward snuck off into the corridor to catch some sleep. Meanwhile, Jet falls to his knees, grabbing his head, screaming, "I hear you! I hear you, darling! But I don't know where you are! Come back to me!"  
  
-CLIFFHANGER!!!-  
  
(:A.N:) Sorry for the stupid cliffhanger, but me and my friend are scared of the storm! ::Crawls into Gren's lap:: I'm scared, Gren! Save meee! And Spike Chan here needs some lovin' here, too! ::Spike crawls into Fred's lap:: Darn it's really scary! ::Spike squishes Fred, sending Jet running in, yelling "NOOOOOOOO!":: Eh heh heh… Spike you moron! Well, review  
if you think we should continue this stupid story… Onegai shimasu! PS. My friend 'Spike' is a girl! Onna no ko dayo! Anou… See ya next time on Big Shot, the show for bounty hunters!  
REVIEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! 


	3. The Beautiful Past of Jet and Fred

(:A.N:) Okay, I know not many people read this story but I have so much fun writing this stupid story that I just have to keep writing more! Sadly, I am writing this chapter with out the help of Spike Chan so the insanity might be slightly decreased...  
  
Unsolved Mysteries BeBop Style!  
Chapter Three : The Beautiful Past of Jet and Fred  
By : Feng Shui Goddess  
  
"I hear you! I hear you, darling! But I don't know where you are! Come back to me!" Jet called, crying out to his lost lover, Fred the Bonsai Tree. As we last left off, Edward has stolen various items from the Bebop members and has hidden them in the 'secret headquarters'. Being her sneaky self, she has also stolen Jet's lover Fred (how evil can she get?!) so now Jet is on a frantic search to find Fred before it's too late!  
  
Jet ran frantically around the ship, checking every nook and cranny of the huge old fishing craft. He could already begin to feel his hair falling out because of all his worry about Fred. That reminded him that he was in desperate need of some more Rogain, but he decided to think about that later. He knew that Fred's time was growing short (he needed to be watered soon) and wanted to find him ASAP. After all, they had to watch the PowerPuff Girls when it came on in a half hour. He heard strange noises coming from inside Spike and Gren's room, so he decided not to even question them on the whereabouts of Fred. He sighed, remembering how he and Fred first met...  
  
~FLASHBACK~  
  
It was winter on Gannymede, Jet was decked out in a large polo sweater, pink earmuffs, and a Barney beanie on his head. (The hat, mind you.) He was walking up and down the streets, bored as a monkey on stilts, and decided that it was perfect weather to go and get drunk on hot cocoa at a bar. He approached a bar called 'The Blue Fro' and walked in, taking his winter accesories and hanging them on a coat rack. He sat down at a stool at the bar, and knocked his fist on the table. A black man with a HUGE blue afro turned around, purple Trigun style glasses on, "What's up mah balding brother? Can I getcha something ta drink or didja just come to RAISE THE ROOF?" Jet flashed a smile at the man, "I'd like some hot cocoa..." The bartender nodded, and pulled a steaming cup of hot cocoa out of his afro, setting it down in front of Jet. Jet looked rather frightened, but said "Thanks mah brother! This reminds me of an old story my grandfather's sister's mother's brother's half cousin told me once--" The bartender just decided to walk off, figuring he'd rather be shot then listen to one of Jet Black's stories from his distant relatives.  
  
Jet sighed, scratching his shiny head. He laid his head down on his folded arms at the bar, staring off at all the people gathered at the counter. And that's when he saw him. He had green puffy hair and a very thin bone structure. He was sitting in front of an ash tray filled to the top with cigarette ashes and gum and stuff like that. In front of the man was a small sign that read 'Fred the Bonsai Tree, The Blue Fro's Mascot'. Jet gasped, "What a fine looking bonsai tree! If only I could take him home and trim his branches, and maybe even MARRY him..." He fantasized about what their life could be like together, and how happy he could be with this beautiful creature... Fred...  
  
He approached Fred, a look of the upmost determination on his face. He sat at the empty stool next to him, lighting a cigarette. "Hello there, Fred. My name's Black. Jet Black," he said, smiling like a child. Fred did not say anything in responce. "Hmm... The quiet type, I see. Well that's all right with me, I like playing hard to get. I was just wondering if, well you know... Maybe I could cook you dinner some time? I'm world famous for my bell peppers and beef, you know." Fred still didn't move or say anything. "I'm taking that as a yes? Well, then. Let me escort you to my ship." Jet nonchalantly picked up Fred, placed a few wulongs on the bar counter, put on his winter gear and carried Fred to the Bebop.  
  
Dinner that night was clam and peaceful. He managed to lock Edward, Faye, and Spike in the bathroom, keeping Ein out of captivity cause he's a dog, and animal cruelity is mean. Jet tried feeding Fred some of his cooking, but to no avail. Fred did not seem to like eating... Or talking... Or moving... Spike called out of his new prison, "Dammit Jet! Why do you keep talking to that TREE?!" Jet gasped and dropped his chopsticks. "Oh, yeah. Fred is a bonsai tree... he can't talk. Well, all the better for me! Now he'll have to stay with me no matter what! We'll get married and have children and go on a honeymoon and it'll be just like on the Oprah Winfrey Show!"  
  
Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, months into years...Well, maybe not years, but it seemed like that to Jet, and if Fred could think I'm sure it would have felt like years to him, too. They went on walks around the park, shopping at the mall, days on the beach... It was a match made in Heaven. Neither of them had ever been happier. Well, then again, trees can't think. Let's just say that Jet had never been happier, because that I know is the truth. Jet Black and Fred the Bonsai Tree... Forever and ever.  
  
~END (OWARI!) OF FLASHBACK!~  
  
Jet collapsed onto the floor, crying. "Oh, Fred! Where on Gannymede have you GONE to?! Surely you haven't walked off by yourself! This is so traumatizing!" Spike and Gren walked into the room, red lipstick smeared on both of their faces. "Oi, what's wrong, Jet?" Spike asked, approaching the bawling man. "My Fred is gone!" He screamed, clenching his head like it was about to explode. "Oh, my. This really is bad for you, isn't it, Jet? Fred was your lover, was he not?" Gren asked, not freaking out for once. He still had his fairy wings on with his pink outfit. Jet nodded so hard he hit his head on the floor and got knocked out. "Oh, my," Gren said, again, "We should carry him on to the couch, right Spike?" Spike shook his head, "Naah, he's crazy, and I dont like to dirty my hands with crazy people. They say craziness is bad for the complection." Gren nodded, "Oh my God! You're right! Thanks for reminding me!" Gren pecked Spike on the cheek and they walked out of the room hand in hand, leaving the bald man unconcious on the floor. Little did he know that Fred was just feet away from him... Under the couch.  
  
(:A.N:) That's it for chapter 3! I read this chapter over the phone to Spike Chan and she liked it, so I'm sure you will, too! Please REVIEW! I need your comments, even if they're flames! Thanks to you few people who enjoyed and reviewed my story... 


	4. College Days

(:A.N:) Hello again! Umm... Just a warning that this chapter is going to be extremely OOC and funny ^ ^ and I know I'm changing a few things around from the origonal story line! So don't flame me, I know! Now, on to chapter four!  
  
Chapter Four : College Days  
  
Spike was laying down on the bed in his room, arms folded behind his head. It had certainly been a hectic day thus far on the Bebop, which was to be expected. Jet's Fred was stolen, Gren had begun to turn into a fairy, Faye was to plan his and Gren's wedding, and Edward had been snooping around the Bebop, acting even stranger than usual. He listened to the faint sound of Gren humming 'Goodnight, Julia' in the shower. Such a nice voice he had... Or was that the sound of the saxophone? He looked into the corner to find that Gren's sax wasn't in the usual spot. 'Is he playing sax in the shower? How lovely and exotic...' Spike stood up and walked over to the bathroom door, opening it. "Gren, darling! Are you playing sax in the shower?" Spike asked entering the foggy, hot bathroom. "Well, yes I am, dear!" Gren shouted, pulling back the shower curtain to reveal his sax. "Oh, great playing! Keep it up, and enjoy the rest of your shower... I'll be waiting in our room," Spike nearly sang, prancing out of the bathroom. He layed down on the bed again, thinking about how wonderful Gren was. He closed his eyes, thinking about how he and Gren had first met.  
  
~FLASHBACK~  
  
It was August on Mars, the air was sticky and hot, the wind still and unmoving. Spike Speigel was on his way to his first day of college, cruising down the road in his small red car. He was brushing his hair with his left hand, and steering with his left. It had taken him a long time to get into this college... Mars Modeling School. It was Spike's dream to be a model, and pose in front of all those cameras in his underwear, and other such things. He had the perfect figure; a six pack, long legs, muscular arms... Now all he needed to do was become good friends with Mr Camera. He also figured there'd be some good looking people at the school. After all, in order to be in a modeling school, you have to be good looking, it was just common sence.  
  
Spike finally made his way to the school, and parked his car in a parking space close to the school. He dragged his luggage out from his trunk; about five suitcases filled to the top with random clothes and cosmetics. He adjusted his tight leather pants and made his way up the the main doorway. The inside of the college was amazing, like a museum. He walked up to the front counter, and rung a little bell to get attention of the person behind the desk. A tall guy turned around, his face covered in random makeup and about five layers of bright red lipstick (Julius lol). "Well, hello there, welcome to Mars Modeling School. Can I please see your FORMS?" The man asked, grabbing Spike's hand and kissing it, leaving a very apparent red ring from his lipstick. Spike smiled, and pulled his forms from inside his little pink backpace, handing them to Mr Counter Guy. "Here. I need to be assigned a dorm, too," Spike said in his smooth voice.  
  
After what seemed like hours of going through paperwork and other stuff like that, Spike wandered through the hallways of the college in search for his room. He finally found it... Room 69. He knocked on the door, knowing that he was sharing a room with someone. A young looking man opened the door wearing a red wine colored blouse and black leather pants. "Well, hello there. Are you Mr Spike Speigel? I had a call from the office saying you'd be coming soon," the man said, tossing his long midnight black hair behind his broad shoulders. Spike nodded, "That's me. But please, call me Spike." The man smiled, leading Spike into their dorm. "I'm Grencia Mars Elijah Guo Eckener, but please call me Gren," Gren said, cooing in his deep voice. "Yoroshikuuuuuu!" They said in unison.  
  
Gren's room was... to say the least, very creative. Malice Mizer posters graced the walls, along with an X Japan poster and a Gackt one. A pink boa looking thingy draped the border of the room, and flowered beaded curtains hung in the doorways leading into the other rooms. A Hello Kitty sterio was placed on his nightstand next to his bed, playing what sounded like... Hanson? Spike had an urge to break the CD player, but he thought that it'd be best if he didn't. A little music box sat on his nightstand as well. A saxophone case was laid in the corner of the room, music sheets scattered around it. "I like what you've done with the place," Spike said, walking around. The little music box caught his eye, so he picked it up, sending Gren flying on top of him in a dramatic fashion. "I'm afraid it's broken!" Gren semi-screamed, tearing the box from Spike's hands. Spike gave Gren a weird look, but just went along with him. Spike then noticed a few special kind of magazine called 'yaoi doujinshi' laying on the ground. He flipped through the pages, a wide smile on his face. "I like this doujinshi. Let me borrow it?" Gren sighed, "But that's my newest Malice Mizer yaoi doujinshi! You can borrow the Gackt one if you like!" He threw a Gackt doujinshi at Spike, smiling.  
  
Days passed, and Spike and Gren grew closer by the hour. They were in all the same classes, so they were basically with eachother all day long. It was the perfect romance, like the ones you'd see on TV. They ate bento together on the school grounds, sitting on a blanket under the shade of a tree. They would help eachother pick out clothes, and model for eachother. They would spend all night sitting on their bed gossiping about all the people in their classes, and their teachers amd stuff like that. They'd watch very old VHS of Malice Mizer PV's, singing along and dancing like Mana (which involves usually spinning in circles over and over again lol). Spike would listen to Gren play his sax for hours on end, enjoying every note of the only song Gren could play, 'Goodnight, Julia'. Oh yes, it was a beautiful relationship, really and truly.  
  
One day, on a perticularly odd day, Gren was gone when Spike woke up. This worried Spike very much, and he ran through the campus frantically, searching desperately for his darling Grencia. Gren did not return for classes that day, so Spike sat at his desk fidgeting all day long, not being able to sit still. He tried calling Gren's cell phone over and over to no avail. He paced back and forth in his room after his classes, sweat running down his makeup-covered face. He was frantic; very frantic. Finally, after what seemed like years, Gren came home.   
  
"Gren! Where the heck have you been?!" Spike asked, embracing Gren, only to notice that something felt different... Squishy, and odd to the touch. He pressed Gren tighter in his hug, trying to figure out what was different about Gren. "Well, darling, about that-" Gren was interrupted by Spike poking his chest with a lot of force. "Hey, that hurts!" Gren said, pulling back from Spike's grasp. "Something's different," Spike said, continuing to poke Gren's upper chest. "Breast implants," Gren said, a smile on his face. "Implants?! I would have never expected you to get implants, Gren!" Spike said in amazement. "So you're not mad, I take it?" Gren said, smiling. Spike shook his head, "No, of course not, Darling! I'm just glad you're home and safe!" (Like any of us really believed Gren's messed up hormone changing medicine story, implants makes much more sence!)  
  
The year came and went very quickly, Spike and Gren falling deeper in love every day. They made a vow that they would get married eventually, no matter what. The day came of graduation, sending Gren and Spike away from each other on their different paths. They still kept in touch, and even got together sometimes. Gren had found out that Spike had become a bounty hunter on the Bebop, so he tracked down the ship and finally became reunited with his love.  
  
~END OF FLASHBACK~  
  
Edward awoke with a mischevious smile on her face. She jumped up from her current position on the floor and danced through the Bebop until she was in the living area. She spotted Jet sleeping on the floor, which was very odd for him to be doing. She had a plan, a very evil plan. And it had to do with Fred the bonsai tree, that it did.  
  
(:A.N:) Ooh! I LOVE this chapter! Thanks to my friend Spike Speigel Failure at Everything AKA Oneesan for helping me out with the flashback ideas! She has planned something very evil for the future of Fred. *insane laugh* and I plan to carry out this evil plan in a few chapters! Thank you for reading and PLEASE REVIEW! 


	5. Missing Hair Products

(:A.N:) Okay, last chapter wasn't quite as insane as the others before it, so I'll try to make this chapter extra insane, okay? Thanks to all of you who reviewed this story so far!  
  
Chapter Five : Missing Hair Products  
  
Edward awoke with a mischevious smile on her face. She jumped up from her current position on the floor and danced through the Bebop until she was in the living area. She spotted Jet sleeping on the floor, which was very odd for him to be doing. She had a plan, a very evil plan. And it had to do with Fred the bonsai tree, that it did. She danced around Jet, a wide smile on her face. Then she snuck down on her hands and knees and looked under the couch to see Mr Fred. She shoved Fred in her pants (hey, you can fit anything in stretchy spandex pants!) and ran back to the secret room where the secret refrigerator was (the one from 'Toys in the Attic', lets just say that it wasn't thrown out into space for the sake of my story ^ ^), pried the door open, and looked at its contents. Inside were many small bottles with an eyedrop looking thing on the top. She took one of the bottles and examined it. It read 'Rogain for Men'. Confused by what this exactly meant, she took Fred out of her pants, and hid him in the refrigerator, and then shoved the very COLD bottle in her pants, making her jump all over the place.   
  
"Cold bottle in my pants, making Edward dance and dance!" She sang, still jumping around.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Spike was lounging on the Bebop's couch, smoking and... Well, just smoking. God forbid he do anything else. *cough* In any case, Spike was still waiting for Gren to come out of the shower. You see, Gren's showers usually took at least 4 hours, and that was when he was in a hurry. As we all know, bishounen have to be properly pampered unless they go insane and like do crazy things! Suddenly Faye stormed into the room yelling, making Spike almost swallow his cigarette, and if that happened, he'd be forced to regurgitate it.  
  
"Spike, can't you get your lover boy out of the shower?! There's other people who'd like to take showers, too!" Faye yelled, storming over to spike in her bathrobe.  
  
Spike simply sighed, "I happen to like it when Gren is clean, so I'm not going to tell him not to bathe!"  
  
"But he's already been in there for a good 5 hours! The world's water supply is going to dimish due to his LONG SHOWERS!"  
  
Spike pointed at the sleeping Jet on the floor, "Quiet, you'll wake Jet up! I don't want him lecturing me, too!"  
  
Faye was on the verge of strangeling Spike, who now had his eyes closed, "Dammit will you LISTEN to me Spike?! Either you go tell Gren to get out of the shower or I'll drag him out! And, no, you can't use a lifeline like you did last time!"  
  
"Fine," Spike said, standing up, "I'll go get him. But don't blame me if he's mad at you..." He slowly walked over to the bathroom door, the faint sound of 'Goodnight Julia' emitting from Gren playing his sax in the shower. He knocked loudly to get his man's attention.  
  
"Spike Darling, is that you?" Gren sang as the saxophone playing stopped.  
  
"Why, yes it is, Grencia. I've come to bear horrible news," Spike said sadly.  
  
"Oh, no! Sad news? Come in and tell me."  
  
Spike walked into the bathroom, not being able to see at all because of all the precipitation from the shower. "Faye says that you need to get out of the shower because she's been waiting for a few hours and thinks you should get out."  
  
Gren gasped, sticking his head out of the shower. "Get OUT of the SHOWER?! But I've only been in for 4 hours 36 minutes and 24 seconds!" He showed Spike the time on his waterproof stopwatch.  
  
"I'm sorry, dear. But you and I will have a nice evening together, okay?" Spike said in a sweet voice.  
  
"Okay, anything for you Spike Chan," Gren said, stepping out of the shower.  
  
And, for the sake of all you young readers out there, we'll go back to Edward and her EVIL plan... With a bottle of Rogain?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Edward pranced over to Faye, the bottle of Rogain now in her hands because of how cold it was while in her pants. She shoved it into Faye's face, swaying the bottle side to side.  
  
"Faye Faye! Do you know what this is!?" Edward asked, examining the bottle.  
  
Faye grabbed the bottle from Ed's hands and held it up to her face. "Hmm... Ro-ga-i-ne...(thats how you would say it in Japanese ^ ^) Maybe it's some sort of drink? But wait... It says the words 'for men' on it, so maybe it's some sort of natural enhancement? From the looks of it, it is from America... I've never really heard of it, sorry Edward."  
  
"Enhancement enhancement beautiful enchantment!" Edward sang, running around the room like an airplane.  
  
"Wait, I have an idea! Let's put it under that microscope analyzing thing that we always use! (They used it in the movie to examine the lymphachus... Or however you spell it lol)" Faye yelled, grabbing Edward by her shirt collar.  
  
A few minutes later, Edward had hooked up the analyzer thingy with the mysterious Rogain substance, and was analyzing it. It took a few minutes before the machine gave it's results...  
  
Rogain:  
A product that was manufactured in the late 1900's and early 2000's to help grow back hair on the head. It eventually stopped being made because it didn't work, but America was stupid and refused to face the truth that they were bald and stuck with their bald heads for life! Applied to the scalp, it has a .00001 chance of growing back 8 or less strands of hair on your head, so try your luck and pray to God upon using this mysterious hair growing formula.  
  
Faye basically fell over in laughter, "So Jet is using some weird ancient American product to try to grow back hair?! How funny! I wonder how he would react if we stole and hid all of it? Edward, about how many viles of this stuff did you see when you found this one?"  
  
Edward thought hard, "At least 50 bottles minimum... The entire hidden refrigerator was full of them, want me to get them all?"  
  
Faye nodded her head, handing Edward a large basket and shoving her back towards the hidden fridge room. Once inside, she opened the fridge door and scooped all the bottles into the basket... A total of 132... And also noticed that Fred was starting to grow icicles on his leaves. She shut the fridge door and skipped out of the mysterious room to find Faye with an insane expression on her face.  
  
"Here, let's flush them down the toilet!" Faye said, running to the bathroom, Edward being dragged around by Faye's tight grasp on her arm. Once inside the bathroom, Faye opened the lid of the toilet, and Edward poured in all the bottles. Faye sat on the lid after closing it so the bottles wouldin't spill out of the toilet when the flushed it.   
  
"Now, Ed! Flush the toilet!!!!! Bwahaha!" Faye screamed, tears of insanity flowing freely from the corners of her eyes.  
  
Edward did as told, and flushed the toilet. All the bottles seemed to be disposed of quite efficiently and sucessfully. Mission complete...   
  
Or so they thought.  
  
~~~~~The Next Morning~~~~~  
  
The Bebop gang was happily sitting around the living room table... Well, they were all happy... Except for Jet Black. He mourned over his bowl of bell pepper cereal, letting out an occasional sigh. He didn't say anything to any of the other members, but he noticed that his entire Rogain collection was missing. (Lets just say he didnt see Fred in the fridge cause he was hidden in the very back of the fridge.) Jet was lost in thoughts of how his hair would now fall out at a quicker speed, and how his darling Fred was missing. Oh, he missed Fred. Just where had he gone? Certainly he hadn't just walked off by himself... But then, it had to have been one of his fellow Bebop members who had done something to Fred... His thoughts were interrupted by a loud rumbling coming from somewhere below him. The other members had noticed it as well, as they all looked around the room looking confused.  
  
"Oh, no! Spike, I'm scared!" Gren said, clinging onto Spike's arm. Spike petted his head, assuring him everything was fine. The next few minutes were very suspenceful, as the noise kept getting noticably louder and occured more often.  
  
"Do you think it's ALIENS?" Edward asked, jumping up and down. Ein barked in agreement.  
  
"Oh, NO! Aliens! I'm terrified of aliens! Spike will you protect me from the aliens? I don't want to be taken away!" Gren shouted, tears forming in his eyes.  
  
"Gren, I think you are an alien... You're so weird all the time," Faye said, nonchalantly smoking a cigarette.  
  
"But I thought I was a fairy?! Now I'm an alien?! Maybe I'm an alien fairy thing! Oh, no! I'm having a major identity crisis here!" Gren shouted, now bawling his eyes out.  
  
"Dammit, Spike, would you shut him up?" Jet commanded Spike.  
  
"WHY DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING?!" Spike yelled, now crying himself.  
  
This beautiful Kodak moment (brought to you by your friends at Wal Mart, by the way) was suddenly interrupted by the walls caving in by water. Floating inside the water were many many small bottles... Black bottles that said the word 'Rogain for Men' on them. Uh, oh...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~To Be Continued XD  
  
(:A.N:) God this has to be the most stupid chapter yet, nee? Well if I get 2 reviews I'll continue on with the next chapter! REVIEW PLEASEEEEEEEEEE! 


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